How Can I Let You Go
by Gothicragdoll
Summary: 7 knows that something is up with 6. He's different. She is going to find out why.


How can I let you go?

I walked down the hall as slow as a sloth. There really wasn't a reason to hurry…anywhere. There wasn't a reason to hide, to run, or do anything that use to seem so important anymore. The machines are all gone and…I guess I just thought it be different. I thought it would feel different, but it doesn't.

Everyday that has passed since our "victory" just seems like another day. Nothing special. I thought I'd be relieved and feel a peace. The machines were no longer talking to me. No longer taunting me.

Alone and confused I walked over to a book and sat beside it. I don't know what I expected to be so different. I guess I thought I'd be happier. Before I could at least make it look like nothing was wrong. I could act like I was happy, and for a time…I really was.

"Have you seen 6?" I heard a female's voice ask in the distance. I knew it was 7's voice. I really didn't feel like talking to 5 or 7 so I hide behind the book. I was still interested in what they were saying.

"Not all day." Said 5. "You know…I know he's sensitive and all, but he's been more depressed since the machines were destroyed then when they were terrorizing us."

"It does seem odd." 7 admitted. "I'm just worried is all."

I peeked my head outside of my hiding place to see them hugging. As I watched them I started to feel sick with grief. They let go and 7 spoke again.

"I think I'm going to find him and talk to him." She said.

"Okay." 5 nodded. "If I can help let me know."

"I will, but for now I think I'll just talk to him myself." She said smiling at him. She took his hand and kissed 5 on the cheek. "He doesn't respond well to a crowd."

"We're two Ragdolls."

"And to him that's a crowd." She said. "We need to respect that." They hugged and kissed before 7 took off. 5 slowly walked deeper into the darkness.

I honestly didn't want to talk to her or anyone else for that matter. I knew what they were going to try to do. They were going to try to make me face that…no…no. I waited for both of them to leave the area before revealing myself and find somewhere else to hide.

The library had a lot of good places to hide. I found an entire empty room. I knew I couldn't search the whole room to make sure. That would take forever. I found desk and knew I'd find some paper and ink.

I started to draw pictures, but I stopped. I just couldn't draw. I felt no desire to draw. He always loved my drawing. He'd tell me all the time. I finally collapse to the ground and started to cry hysterically.

"Why did you take him away from me?" I asked the voices that were no longer there. I got ink on my face when I covered my face to hide my sorrow. I felt arms around me holding me. I cried into 7's shoulder as she held and tried to comfort me. It felt good, but at the same time I hated it.

He use to do that to me. He'd hold me, tell me that everything was going to be okay. He loved me. I loved him. I thought my life was going to be better because of him, but he made it worse. "I hate him! I hate him!" I screamed in my head. "Why did you leave me?"

I don't know how long I cried, but 7 managed to calm me down. "Have you cried out all of your pain?" she asked softly. Like a mother.

With my breathing quick and heavy I answered, "For now." I knew I was going to breakdown again somewhere down the road.

"May I ask what is wrong, 6?" she looked at me with concern.

I let go of her and sat so we could face each other. I nodded. "I miss 9." I state simply. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her face was too blank to read.

"We all miss him." She said sadly looking down.

"No! You cannot miss him like I do." I thought staring at her. I almost started to cry again.

"Do you want to talk about him?" she asked. "Would that help."

"Sure." I wasn't sure if she'd take "no" for an answer. She and I stared at each other awkwardly. "You want to know why I miss him so much?"

She smiled, "Yes."

"I miss his kindness. How much he cared for us even though…we didn't always appreciate it." I let my guard down and before I realized it I was ranting. "I miss how he loved my drawings and how he encouraged me to draw more. How he thought I was gifted. How he thought I had purpose…great purpose. I miss his hugs, his kisses, how he held me when I was sad and afraid. How he comforted me when the machines taunted me." I looked at 7. "I miss how he made everything better."

I realized what I said and hadn't a clue as to what she must think of me. "And somehow I hate him. I hate him for bringing us such hope. I hated how he inspired us to dream. I hate how he made me believe that there was good in everything. How everything happened for a reason, that our trials only make us stronger. How he said that we're going to rise so far above this that we'll look back on it and laugh. We'll joke about it. I hate how he said he'd protect me and be here whenever I needed to him. I hated that he left me! He left me!"

Somehow, during my rant I had gotten up and paced, but now my face was on the desk and I was crying again. 7 was by my side in an instant. "He didn't leave you." She said. "He didn't want to leave you." She tried to hold me again, but I pushed her away.

"You're wrong!" I shouted. "He left me! I should have died there on the bridge!"

"He died, 6!" she shouted. I was stunned because this was the first time ever in my life she yelled at me. I stopped crying in an instant. "He didn't leave you! He died! He died protecting you, just like he promised. He wanted you to live. He wanted you to be happy and at peace. You can hate him, but you cannot deny he did everything in his power to do everything he said he would." Her voice went back to normal as she spoke.

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say or think. I looked back down to the desk. She picked me up and sat me to face her. "6…" she started. "I'm sorry. I know you loved 9, but you can't blame yourself. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way." I allowed her to hug me, and I gave in to the need to hug her back. Everything she was true. I tried to tell myself otherwise. I guess it was my way to defend myself. I blame myself to justify his death. That is what I usually do anyway. It's easier that way. I knew 9 wouldn't have wanted that. I was so ashamed I returned my gaze back to the desk.

]

"You're right." I whispered in defeat and surrender

I was hungry for affection. I missed 9's hugs a lot and indulged it when 7 hugged me. I knew what 7 said was true. I always knew it was true, but I still tried to convince myself otherwise. I guess it was to protect myself. It didn't help. It really only made things worse.

"Thank you, 7." I whispered. She pulled back to look at me.

"Anytime." She smiled at me and gave me one last final hug. I jumped up suddenly and ran to the paper. It was messed up from my fits, but as I studied it more I knew I could make it work.

She laughed at me and said, "That's the 6 I know."

I smiled. "I'm going to make this one for 9."

She nodded and smiled. "I think he'd like that," She sat and watched me draw in silence.

It still hurt knowing he's gone, but I don't think I would have it nay other way. I just hope wherever he is, he's happy and knows that I love him, that I'll always love him. I looked back at 7 and thought of 9. He use to watch me draw. Sometimes I would ask him if he wanted to try. I stand behind him and physically guide him. I really liked that. I wish I could do it again. I became sad again. Sadness and Happiness for me have always gone hand in hand. I had to smile because I don't mind. Not anymore.


End file.
